Why did I get married?

Why?

Starting the resolutions early.

So apparantly I cannot or should not blog about whatever I want. It is too negative or just venting. And I feel I need to put disclaimers constantly. Becuase even though I created this just to vent, hence the name of the blog, it seems to irritate people. People are too sensitive but so am I. But my point of this is to say that I am going to try to be more positive. And when I am not feeling so positive I will put on a mask and not be myself completely. Hmm sounds like real life when I hide what is really bothering me 98% of the time. So much for the purpose of this blog...lol.

My Christmas post started out poorly. I meant to spin it back in the right direction which I started to, but then just stopped. I had a great Christmas eve with my mom's side. I also had a great Christmas with my family and then Jeff's immediate family. We have his big extended family Christmas later today. We were very surprised and feel so blessed from the presents we received this year. And more specifically from his parents. They sure surprised us. Which is saying a lot since in his family, there are never any surprises and everyone knows pretty much everything about you or whats going on. But, we got a great gift, even more than we could of imagined. Two words: Savings Bonds. Everything else we got was amazing as well. We had great times with our family members the past 3 days, it is such a fun, loving and uplifting atmosphere- Christmas. I am very happy and also looking forward to the New Year for several reasons. I am going to continue to lose weight, be positive and just live a happy life. This past year was filled with ups and downs. I only hope to outdo 2008. I lost 34.5 pounds in one year. I will beat that number in 2009.
So, I as I regret being negative on my blog a lot - I will not apologize becuase that was sorta the point. But I will be more positive for everyone elses' sake and more importantly for my own.

It's the most wonderful time of the year....or is it?

That's what they say in a song. But I think it is a load. I hate the weather this time of year. So that is not wonderful by any means. I hate the crowds everywhere this time of year.....so that would be anti wonderful in my book.
I will tell you what I find wonderful this time of year. I get 2 weeks PAID Holiday Vacation from work. Hell Yes. I am so extra glad because I havent had a break from work since June. I also am happy with the fact that I helped my husbands aunt do about 98% of her Christmas shopping. She has been sick with cancer since May, and doing much better now, but still not herself. She has two teenage daughters and a huge extended family full of kids - so needless to say that Christmas is still very much a big deal to her. I was so glad to help. I got to shop for presents....with someone else's money. How cool is that. It especially was fun since this year Jeff and I are not really doing a huge Christmas when it comes to gifts for others. This is due to two main reasons.
The first being, we are trying to save our money as best we can for a house soon. Plus we have some bigger expenses in 2009 to look forward to and prepare for. So, instead of going over board like I do every year on gifts - I am practicing self control and not going over board. It is especially hard when it comes to my sisters. I usually spend 100 plus on both of them. I LOVE being an older sister and i LOVE to spoil my sisters. This year, we decided to draw names in my immediate family. Normally, we all get one another a present or two each. There are 7 people in my family. That sure adds up fast. So only buying for one is a HUGE cutback. But everyone liked the idea since it saves everyone money. Now my dad still gives us all money, but the rest of us just drew names. So now I have one name to shop for instead of 2(one from jeff and one from me) presents x 5 people. That roughly is about a 400+ savings right there. I drew my mother...easiest person to shop for. I got her some hippie fun shit from 3rd planet and then a 12 pack of beer. Trust me, its the best gift and she will LOVE it (esp. the beer). Now, this year Jeff and I opted out of our big extended family Christmases. That equals 4 presents @ approx 50$ a piece and then we save 200 bucks right there. And we also cut down on the random gifts we get for our closest friends or cousins. This brings me into the second part of why we scaled down this year. Since I could remember, I always spend a lot of time, money and thought into gifts for others. I am not a "gift card" giving person, unless it is for a couple with young kid or kids and they need a date....OR if its a way to get them out and we agree to go out as a group. But anyways, last year is the most recent to think of, we end up spending a lot of time, money and thought into gifts and usually receive a crap gift or nothing at all in return. This really irritates me. I mean, how crappy is it to receive a random gift from someone that was off the clearance rack when you spent time and thought and got them gifts that actually catered to that person. Not just a random purchase. I know I know "its the thought that counts" but that doesnt apply to every gift giving or receiving experience. And on that note, that doesnt have to be a way to put a positive spin on shit, because what if the thought was mindless, cheap, and inconsiderate....yep that counts...counts against them. But last night we had Christmas Eve with my family and it was a great time. Probably one of the best in awhile. One, becuase I had a whole bottle of champagne at my side and drank the majority of it and was tipsy. Two, becuase I opted out of the gift exchange, but still exchanged with my two closest cousins. It was very nice. Plus my aunt and uncle were extremely generous with their gift to us and so was my Grandfather (as usual he is the sweetest person I know). I think I had so much fun because I avoided my own disappointment and the hurt feelings PLUS the champagne was very nice. That is something I am very much looking forward to at our next family gathering on Saturday. I guess its something like "fool me once shame on you, fool me twice shame on me" and I will not be fooled twice....at least this year. I thought cutting back and not buying a lot of gifts for others would be hard. It was hard at first, but not as bad as I expected. But for the most part it was nice. Less stress and happier. Now I will take that any day. I better get going, it is time for Christmas Mass with mi familia and then presents and brunch. THEN off to Jeff's parents to open more gifts and eat more food. Merry Christmas to all!!

Excuse me, can I have a mulligan...or two?

Today was a weird day at work, most people were gone, because most people did not get married this year and go to Ireland and therefore use ALL of their 3 weeks of vacation time in one month. Now, of course, I do not regret this.....it is just....it would be nice to still have a day or two left right now. :) Anyways, today was a fun day BECAUSE hardly anyone was around and my friend just got back from her lovely honeymoon so we got to share stories. In fact, in the past few weeks, hearing and witnessing a lot of her wedding stuff, the good, the bad and the ugly...only made me revisit mine all over again, the memories of 6ish months ago ALL rushing back. I am SO glad it is behind me. Now, there are a couple exceptions, of COURSE, I would like a mulligan(do over) with the trip to Ireland...in fact, I wouldnt mind being back in Ireland RIGHT NOW. But most of the stuff before that- eh, one time is enough. I try to consider myself a positive person and for the most part I am. As humans, its only natural to block out most of the bad memories and remember only the good. But with me I am also more of a realist. And sometimes being an realist doesnt coincide with being an optimist. (Of course I need to throw this out there so I do not get lectured on how damn lucky I was and am...AND this is the truth and I will be the first to admit that I wouldnt mind seeing some of our amazing family and friends again who made our day just that much more special...............) But with the talks I had today with my friend, things were more about the bad than the good. This is because we, in full female fashion, can get away with bitching to one another and not being judged or guilted into feeling bad for focusing on the negatives...but we both also talked about the good before. Which brought back nice memories. However, from hearing her not so wonderful details...made me think again about mine. There were a LOT, and thus the reason why I stated earlier that I am SO glad it is all behind me. Then I wouldnt have to deal with selfish, fake, mean friends and family members and their words and actions. Now, I know life happens...but is it really that hard for just a day..or two, to be unselfish and just be there for your friends who are getting married? Apparantly, this is a hard one for grown ass people. It shouldnt be, but it is. I have never let my own selfishness, feelings or wants get in the way of weddings I have been in or even just attended. Because, in those instances, ITS NOT ALL ABOUT ME. duh. Now, if ONLY, other people got that memo about life, you know it's basically the "do unto others" rule. If everyone lived by that simple rule, then things such as my bachelorette party would of been a hit and I would NOT of had participants (thats right those asked to do something in the wedding, not just be a lovely guest) not show up for it...and not even have valid excuses.....shit I WISH there would of been good excuses or at least lie to me!! Becuase on top of the hurt caused by missing it, and the hurt of the reasons why....on top of that you add the 'make me feel like shit' mood that hovers when I wasnt even the one who was shady. AND to this day, still no apologies....ya...I wish I had a mulligan on a couple people we asked to be a part of our day. (I still feel like I need to keep putting disclaimers in here...about how...the good outweighed the bad and we had a GREAT overall wedding experience..ok im shutting up!). Then just reflecting on those supposed 'closer' family and friends who freaking ditched our reception right after they stuffed their faces. And not even for a legit reason. But just being shady and selfish. And mean. People think you are in such a crazy whirlwind as the bride or groom (and mostly that is true) and not really paying attention but I remember those who bolted and those who stayed. And let me tell you, if I would of guessed ahead of time who would still be at our reception beyond just mooching the fancy meal, I would of been pretty wrong. Now, there are those that were givens, but others that were a huge surprise. Also some who I thought would be staying and wanting to party with us, ya- bolted. Tacky. Rude. Mean. Makes ya re-evaluate who your real friends and close family members are. Jeff and I were talking about this topic just the other day- and how disappointed we are with some people. And also on the flip side, how pleasantly surprised we are by others. I know this is an extremely random and harsh one - but its whats been on my mind lately. Amongst many things. Now I have put off the inevitable long enough- and that would be finishing the 4th book. What will I do when I am finished with it? Be sad. Why must all good things come to an end?

In the end, it's not the years in your life that count. It's the life in your years.

"Death leaves a heartache no one can heal, love leaves a memory no one can steal."

So, every once in awhile, we get knocked back into reality - this has definitely happened more to me this year than any other year that I can recall. When I say reality, I mean we get knocked out of our own personal reality and are forced to come back to actual reality. If that makes sense, what I mean is our personal reality is just our own lives and what’s going on in them-our natural selfish lives in a bubble compared to everything in the bigger picture (actual reality). When something tragic and unbelievable happens- it causes you to question everything, causes your mind to spin out of control and also try to grasp something that makes sense. Trying to grasp any understanding that would help you to just calm down and breathe. But this isn’t about me. Not really. One thing I know that is a fact, almost everyone takes life for granted way to often. Daily even. When something like unexpected and unfathomable death occurs, it causes you to take a good look at the world and with that perspective happens. That perspective is how short life is and we should not take it for granted. Now as we know, death is a part of life. It is something unavoidable. It always is going to be rough to lose someone to death, but some situations are easier to handle than others. Old age, sickness, stuff like that can give you perspective before it’s too late. It will help you to realize what is truly important. So then you can adjust and act accordingly. To make every day count- to focus on what truly matters and cherish the good times and unite through the bad times. For instance, when my grandfather was sick for years and extremely sick for months prior to his passing, it was very sad and painful to go through it. However, we had time to prepare for this and it was ‘easier’ to say goodbye. On the other hand, my grandmother’s passing was instant, unexpected…and cruel. With that being said, I need to take a moment to express how I am glad she didn’t suffer. But, as I am only human- I am also still bitter that I never got to tell her good bye, etc. How selfish am I? But this isn’t about me, not really.
I have this friend, who I refuse to talk about in past tense, because I am selfish and only human. Here is this woman, 25, with 2 little boys not even out of diapers yet. She is living a life full of health and happiness and joy. Then one random day, Tuesday, December 9, she has a sudden brain aneurysm which causes her to fall and subsequently slips into a coma. She is now in the hospital. Outlook bad, but naturally her family, friends and loved ones are scared, yet remain hopeful for a recovery. Word spreads fast, people are pulling together, friendships rekindling and people united for one reason-incredible in its entirety- Prayers for her and her family. Then Monday it is learned that she has now been pronounced brain dead, and her family has decided to take her off the machines. The first thought I had when I heard this was. NO! This was shortly followed by a flood of thoughts surrounding her beautiful baby boys, who were now motherless. How does any of this make sense? I most definitely believe in God, however, it is hard to try to even begin to comprehend how this could be a good thing. I cannot find one reason how it can be good for two young innocent amazing boys to lose their mother. And not only that, but the manner in which it happen and so sudden. Who am I to question God? Who am I to judge this situation? Guilt takes over, go figure. Of course, the cliché phrase “everything happens for a reason” pops into my head. I cannot help but sigh and be slightly irritated at this. Then feeling guilty all over again, but overshadowed by immense sadness. After I let it sink in for a few minutes, I couldn’t wait to talk to my husband. He was now off the hook for the petty shit I was irritated with him at earlier in the day. He got away with being a slacker for just another day. I just wanted to be with him, to talk to him, to be in awe of this recent reality check. I also couldn’t wait to talk to my sisters. How irritated I was for a much different reason than normal, that one sister was 6 hours away. I just wanted to hug her. You never know what the future holds, not really. This could happen to anyone at any time!! How scary, how do you not live in fear of that?? It just makes you pause and reflect for a long time about all the “what if’s” that flood your head. What if that was MY sister? What is that was MY mother? What if that was Jeff? What if that was ME? All of those questions, separately, could keep my brain busy for days. My emotions kicked into overdrive yesterday for sure. The little boys - her sweet babies. It is so sad to think that the youngest one will probably not remember her. The older one will hopefully remember her, vaguely, but still will. They are little blessings though. She may have been living for only a short time. But the point is- she was living! She packed so much happiness into her 25 years- some peace of mind for her family I hope. Her legacy is her sons and the good amazing person she was. After I stopped thinking about her sons, I then focused on her parents, sister, grandparents, her significant other, and all those who are profoundly affected by her death. Words are definitely failing me here. There seem to be no words that express anything to even remotely justify this story in its entirety. An amazing person, so full of life and a million reasons to live- is no longer here. I am sure now, more than ever, that Heaven exists. It must exist. She is most definitely in Heaven, or at least on assignment to be a loving guardian angel to her boys. I have to focus on that, because in all actuality if I focus on the bad stuff, there is no coming out of it sanely. Another quote comes to mind, “Only the Good Die Young.” I believe that whole heartedly. Rest in peace, Brianna, rest in peace.

I left part of my soul in Nebraska.

Now, I have deliberately not written about this topic on my blog. Not because it isnt worthy of being written....on the contrary actually...its just I have always started writing....then sigh, through watery eyes, and erase what I write. I keep most my deepest most dear feelings inside, locked in my heart, and this is deep to my core. But I am not strong enough anymore and I have to let it flow. I miss Savanna. I feel as though part of me is missing all the time. As of August 22, I have felt so different- incomplete if you will. I have learned to cope a little bit better as of now - but that first month was pretty hard. And being that I am a private person, I really kept it to myself. Now, I talk to Jeff about it from time to time and my lovely friend Jamie at work. But for the most part, I cannot talk about it with anyone else I am close to. For one, my only REAL options to talk to about it are my sister Hayley and my mom. And if I talk to them about it, I just make them more depressed and its a vicious circle so I opt not to start that anymore.
I know not everyone can relate or even begin to fully empathize with my situation (not everyone has a sister or a younger sister at that). But I think most people can try to understand a little bit where I'm coming from. My baby sister, Savanna, recently moved to Omaha, NE for college. I am SO proud of her. The college is amazing, she is thriving and life is good. I am just so selfish and miss her like crazy. Luckily for me and my family, she has been able to come home once a month since she has been away - now next semester will be less...so I need to brace myself. OH...and she will be home in a week.......for almost a whole month........YAY EFF YES YAY!!!! She sent me a video yesterday, just her being silly talking about random stuff and showing me her cute christmas lights in her dorm room, etc. It just made me SO happy. I watched it about 5 times...and will probably will watch it another 5 times by the end of today. She literally lights up my life. In every way. It is hard to believe she is 5 hours away, and in another state no less. BUT, I do love hearing her happy college stories and knowing that Creighton is where she is intended to be. I love both my little sisters more than life itself. I love being a big sister. I am blessed to be an older sister to not just one great person, but two. How cool is that?! It is probably my favorite part of my life if I were to be completely honest. I am so thankful for my silly sisters more than anyone will ever know. Hmmm...I thought I would be balling at this point, thinking about how far away Savannie is...but I am very calm and at peace and quite content at the moment. I have her to thank for that.

No new Grey's. :(

That is one of the most depressing things. I still enjoy the re runs but for the most part, I just look forward to Thursday nights so much because of the new episodes.

But honestly, the way this week has been going, I am not at all surprised this happened.

Monday, I was sick and tired. Work sucked more than normal.
Tuesday, well....I am not going to re hash that - that is in my previous blog entry.
Wednesday, just an all around annoying day. On top of that, I worked out alone...again. I actually had something pretty much lined up, but thats never the problem. The problem is always the follow through - which is out of my control. I should have known this would happen. Oh well, I guess at least it didnt keep me from going.
Thursday, *read title of this blog*
Friday, we shall see what occurs tomorrow. TGIF of course, but still, its part of this week.

I am going to go finish baking and then keep reading ECLIPSE. I swear, if it wasnt for these books, I dont know what I'd do. I do not know what I will do when I am finished with this series...until then...I will enjoy books.

I'm moving to Texas. EFF this weather.

Ok so I’m not technically moving to Texas. As of now. But, I am seriously considering it. Especially after last night, stupid Kansas weather. Now, this is not just my attempt at being a drama queen, but rather just brings up something Jeff and I have casually talked about on and off for years. I used to want to get the hell out of Kansas the minute I could. Now, once I was old enough to do so, that didn’t happen. Anyways, Jeff has always said he always wanted to live in Derby. But, the one exception to that would be to live in Texas. He loves Texas. I have mixed feelings about the state. Main negative for me is the heat!! But a huge positive is that the winters are not like they are here. But anyways, we haven’t talked about it in a long time and it surprised me when this week alone, he brought it up twice and I brought it up about 3 times since my last nights series of unfortunate events….
So let me tell you about my evening last night. It took me almost 2 hours to get home. NO JOKE. I was terrified the whole time. The roads were a thick sheet of ice, even the main roads. Much to my surprise, there was absolutely no salt or sand or anything on some of the main roads in Wichita. I mean COME on, I can sorta understand if it was a sudden attack of weather…or if it was early in the morning…BUT at 5 at night when it had been misting, snowing and sleeting ALL day….there is just no reason why there would be a thick sheets of ice on the main roads.. What the hell do I pay taxes for??? Of course, the traffic was horrific, no surprise there. On top of that, the traffic lights were malfunctioning…..but only the left turn signal lights at the main intersections of Central and Rock and Central and Woodlawn. GREAT. Not all the traffic lights, just ones that I needed. And of course the other sides didn’t have a clue so they couldn’t let anyone go or treat the intersection as a four way stop. So you’d think that would be enough to deal with in one night right? NOOO… What else?! I got stuck in a curb, three times…..it was awful. And I wasn’t the only one. And yes I do have an SUV with 4 wheel drive but apparently that meant shit to this kind of ice. I do not remember ever being that scared and frantic. It was awful, I hate this weather and I absolutely hate that our city doesn’t put ice or sand on the MAIN roads to help with the ice issues. L Luckily, I was able to stay somewhat calm (ha) and the only good thing that happened was that a good Samaritan helped me. Anyways, I got home after dark…I couldn’t believe I had been in my car for almost 2 hours….I was pissed, scared, weirded out and absolutely starving (not a good day to pick to not eat lunch) when I got home. Jeff was home and he tried to warm me up and be sweet but I was just in such a bad mood. He did make me spaghetti so that was nice of him, and I was home in time to watch the Biggest Loser and I love that show. After that it was 9 and I read a little bit and was exhausted so I went to bed at 10. I refused to drive today, so I got a ride with my father in law (we work at the same company). It took almost an hour to get to work this morning but it was a lot better than last night. I am hoping this isn’t a preview to the rest of the winter. Im so terrified of driving on it already, and last nights experience only makes it worse. I need to suck it up and drive tomorrow, that should be interesting. Maybe my dislike for riding with the FIL will motivate me to put my big girl panties on and brave death again so soon….tomorrow…wait….that’s Greys night….so maybe I will brave it on Friday instead….wish me luck!
I just started the 3rd book in the 4 book saga I have been reading. It is so hard to put it down, but I haven’t been able to read much in the past couple days. L Makes me sad, that is all I want to do is read it. I just want to go home, get on my comfy pj’s and curl up and read my book dammit. But no, I have to be here at work, not working….but blogging…but I have a lot of work to do…just zero motivation to do it. I am still in a bad mood from last night and just thinking about it today isn’t helping. I need a vacation. That reminds me…I have 9 more work days until I have almost 2 weeks of holiday break. Thank God. I need a break so bad. I used up all of my vacation and sick time in the month of June. And now its been almost 6 months and I am going mad!! I am very much looking forward to Jan 09 so I get 4-5 weeks of vacation and sick to play around with and actually spread it out over the whole year. Tick tock tick tock. I better get back to my work…hmm…

****Oh and this is for Shelly about my thoughts on the movie, Twilight. ****
I was hesitant to go see it due to the bad reviews I kept hearing about. But I have never been one to listen to what others say. I make my own opinions about stuff. But I just didn’t want to get pissed and super disappointed because I knew the movie wouldn’t come close to the books. That is how everything is. I did crack and went to see it because I was just so involved in reading the stories. I went in with low expectations. I think that was in part why I liked it and didn’t hate it. When anyone goes in to stuff with their hopes up or high expectations you are bound to be disappointed…so why would I do that to myself willingly? So I go…I liked it a lot. Of course, I have my personal criticisms, but for the most part I really thought it went well. It would be hard to do that story justice. These are my thoughts. If I hadn’t read the book first, I would have been so lost. They went a little TOO fast thru the details at the beginning of the movie. Jeff saw it with me, and a few times was like…uh wtf…ok? And of course I followed, but I also had read the book and he had not. So I could see where it would be confusing. So I had to lean over and kinda fill in some info here and there. I liked the actress who played Bella. I did not like the actor who played Edward. I could see where people were sadly disappointed with that choice. I did love the character who played her dad. He was not what I thought he would be after reading the book. The movie dad was funny, not hideous looking, and just did a good job. The book dad was boring, blah and not funny. I did not like the actor that played Mike Newton-that was bad casting. I did like the actor who played Alice, it was exactly how she was described in the book. I thought Emmett was hot, though too pale, but still cute. Rosalie is what I expected, either way she was a bitch. Jasper’s hair was hilarious and his facial expressions. I enjoyed that aspect of the movie. I liked the girl who played Esme and I was disappointed at first at the guy who played Carlisle, but quickly warmed up to him. I did enjoy the part in the movie where they were making her Italian food. That wasn’t in the book. The only other thing I can think of right now was that the chemistry between Edward and Bella was not really there for me. That kinda sucked. But overall, I enjoyed the movie. The setting and scenery was amazing and I loved that aspect of it. The small town living was cool too. I did like the twist where the author of the book was a customer at the diner, and the waitress gave her food and then that was all there was to it. Did you pick up on that too? What did you think of the movie?

Love makes you irrational. EFF.

Why is he the only person who makes me so incredibly pissed off? What is it about love that makes people irrational? I wish emotions had on and off switches.

The Twilight bug bit me....no pun intended, ok it was.

I am embarassed to admit that I recently started to read again. I know I should of never stopped. I had given up on one of my favorite past times about 3 years ago. This is because reading started to be no fun for me because of school. It sucked the pleasure right out of it when alls I did was read things I was forced to read. I did not get to chose what I read. Anyways, It wasn't until on our honeymoon to Ireland, we had a ridiculous lay over (due to rain) at the Kentucky airport that I went to the Borders store and bought P.S. I Love You. It had recently been hyped up due to the movie and I remember wanting to see the movie. So my only alternative to that was buy the book and read it. I needed something because the airport was ridiculous and I was less than thrilled to be robbed of 5 hours of my precious honeymoon vacation time. I started the book.....and it was all fine and dandy until about page um 8 or so when the main character's husband, the love of her life, died of cancer. I believe my thoughts were..."oh no, this is a SAD SAD book". Wow....what a great choice for a new wife going on her honeymoon. I tried to push on and continue reading and ignore the sudden rush of thoughts in my head trying to wrap my logic around that odd timing. But I loss. I put the book down and started flipping through a magazine my Mother in Law gave me for the trip. I had never read O magazine, but shit, I practically memorized that whole magazine. I probably would of read ANY magazine at that point, which was my best option. Anyways, of course I was just that much more annoyed that the book was nothing of what I expected. After I contemplated about returning it, I decided to keep it for a later time. I just knew I wasnt going to read it anytime soon, no matter how desperate at the airport I was. I still couldnt stop thinking about the first 10 pages I read, it started to make me realize even more how lucky I was. Sure, for a good while I was just shocked about the subject matter and the timing, but slowly it started becomming a little sign, one that I needed to not ignore. How every moment we have is precious and that you just never know when your time, or anyone's, will be up. Here I was, starting a new life with my husband, arrogantly assuming that we have our whole lives to live and be together. Now, obviously, I will focus on that and hope for that- but I cannot be certain. It just made me sad to even try to imagine being in her position after being married for only a few short years, and only knowing your husband was sick for a couple months before he passed away. I realized that could be me in the future, how awful, oh God please do not let that be our story. I got side tracked with what I meant to write about. This was an attempt at figuring out when I started reading for fun again. It started with a book purchase in the airport in June. It ended shortly after that, but then started back up again in October when I was going on a road trip to Lawrence, KS. I went to grab a book and that was the only one I had not read yet, so....since it had been 4.5 months since I was married.....I wasnt all blissfully happy and on a high from the wedding. I figured, I could hack reading a sad story. I was right. I got very involved in it and it was a great story. I ended up reading it all in a week. I even took it to work and spent a couple of my breaks reading it. I couldnt quite put it down. I loved it. I then rented the movie and was thoroughly disappointed (of course). Anyways, the book is great. So then I was eager to figure out what the next book I would read would be. I really enjoyed the writing style of this last one, so I thought I would pick up another book by the same author. Well that didnt happen, by this time it was mid November and I decided to ask for some books by her for Christmas. This leads me to my real point of this blog. I then started hearing about Twilight. I had heard talks of it MONTHS ago from my cousins who had read the first book, but I didnt think much of it. It wasnt until my sister, Savanna, told me how amazing the books were and that I really should read them. When I heard the plot and that it was about vampires I was not even close to being intrigued. As much as I trust her judgement, I still didnt really feel inclined to entertain the thought of reading them. I mean she had said the same thing about the Harry Potter books years ago, and I started to read the first one and stopped by the 4th chapter and never opened it back up. I have seen and fairly enjoyed the movies though. Anyways, I kept hearing her talk about it and then I would hear the hype of the movie. I didnt really think anything of it. I then thought about going to the movie around Thanksgiving. But my sister was adament about me needing to read the book first. REALLY adament about that. I was like, I am NOT going to read the book! I have no desire to. Then about 2 days after I said that to her, I was on a girls weekend to Dallas. We had about an hour to kill and I was bored as hell and so I saw the book Twilight in the car. I picked it up and decided to at least read until our friends arrived...they are painfully late...BEYOND fashionably late to everything...so I knew I had a good hour or so to read. I went in to it thinking I would just read to pass the time and probably wouldnt get into it. Well I was dead wrong. It was a page turner to put it lightly. I stayed up way too late the first night reading about a 1/4 of it!! Oh course, I had to text my sister to tell her I was reading it. She was more than thrilled to learn of this. She demanded that I let her know when I finish it. Anyways, I finished it in 4 days. That just screams NERD. I know. I admit. It was so hard to put down. I admit, parts of the book made me tear up, laugh out loud, get goosebumps, get butterflies in my stomach, feel a pit or ache in my stomach and encounter strange emotions. I remember pausing a few times, coming back to reality for a bit and trying to soak in my reactions to a freaking book. Anyways, I am now in the middle of the second book, it is just as much the page turner as the first. I have seen the movie, twice. It is good, but of course the book is a million times better. So, I admit, as much as I tried to deny getting sucked into the masses, the Twilight bug bit me........deep.

Thank God It's Grey's Tonight

I really need it. Lately, things have been so weird and I seem to be in a constant sullen state. This is not by choice, of course. Just one of those things I cannot truly control all the way. If it's not one thing, its another. I feel like I just need to cut ties from civilization to truly have some peace and happiness. Sadly, that is not reality. They say start ever morning like it was on purpose. Or tomorrow is another day. Or start fresh. I always feel like, "ugh, another day, I gotta brace myself for a whole lot of ugly coming my way from a never-ending parade of stupid."
I almost feel guilty this past week about my blogs. I cast off such a negative spin on things. But I have to remind myself that the only reason I have one of these is so I can vent, bitch, moan, complain and well...I think I am succeeding at that task. I have not even fully touched on what thoroughly has pissed me off this week alone, not even the past month. So consider yourselves lucky. However, I am the unlucky one for letting that shit stay inside and fester. Now I would have to admit that I only let about 20% of whats truly bugging me out on this blog. If I was just writing for myself, and for no ones eyes, I would probably be completely forthcoming and honest about stuff. But in fear that I will hurt peoples feelings or it may get around to other people from word of mouth - I have opted out of that. I am just glad Greys is on in almost 2 hours. It is my 1 hour of complete happiness with no interruptions (except commercials) which by the way will be a thing of the past starting tomorrow when I get my DVR. *Merry Christmas to Me...YAY...Im so happy.* I will just address a few things ( in the form of a brief statement) as of late, that bother the crap about of me.
1. I hate the winter weather, AND it just started. SHIT. 4 long ass months of this......brace myself
2. I hate my neighbors above....sounds like they constantly move furniture.
3. I hate the apt complex management and home office. They are liars, crooks and rude as hell.
4. I hate when young adults go to bed as early as old people do....freaking seriously, you will have plenty of time to be OLD and do that shit.
5. I hate movies based on books. Why cant one EVER be awesome?
6. I hate online games, but really just one. I have nothing to do with them, but they still impact my life because just this week, my hubby got sucked back into one that I loathe. UGH.
7. I hate those people who only call or email when they are bored, need something or are just plain nosy and want to ask a billion questions. They need a crash course in friendship 101.

I am going to read a book now and wait until my show comes on.

It is already December. Incredible.

Wow, what a whirlwind this year has been. I cannot even remember a lot of this years events.....maybe its becuase I am severely sleep deprived, utterly annoyed at things and thoroughly pissed off at my husband right now.
So the first day of December, we got our first Christmas tree together.....awwwwwww...ya for like a second. Then we realize what a pain in the ass these things are before we even get it inside the house. Then there is the set up and stands and rotating, ugh. Then we get the lights on, my OCD kicked in and I kept moving them and Jeff finally had to give me that "seriously, knock it off" look. THEN, came the realization that....well shit, we have pretty much no ornaments for our tree. Now, we have a few that his aunt bought us this past weekend. Blue balls-sparkly blue balls-to be exact. Then Jeff had a few of his own and I still havent busted mine out......still have to find THAT box...*groan*. But seriously, it will be a very bare tree this year. But I guess that is how many trees start out. I am not going to rush about and by matchy matchy ornaments and decorate my tree like Im freaking Martha Stewart. I am all for the random fun sentimental trees, that is what I had growing up and I love it. I love that each year my family decorates the tree together. We start it out with each ones babys first christmas ornaments, in birth order. I always get to go second. Then we each take turns putting up various meaningful ones from over the years that relatives and friends have given us and also ones from grade school.
I looked for a couples first christmas ornament the other day, and the ones that are our there are FUGLY. I havent had any luck yet on the internet, although, I have barely looked.
Anyways, I still love our first tree together. It is ridiculous and embarrassing to admit that I have taken about a dozen pics of it. I hope I am not one of *those* parents...when the time comes. But our tree is just that...OUR TREE. In a way I guess the deficient nature of our tree or the newness in that we barely have ornaments is refreshing. It signifies our whole lives ahead of us- to slowly collect meaninful flare for our tree every year.