Saturday, December 13, 2008

I left part of my soul in Nebraska.

Now, I have deliberately not written about this topic on my blog. Not because it isnt worthy of being written....on the contrary actually...its just I have always started writing....then sigh, through watery eyes, and erase what I write. I keep most my deepest most dear feelings inside, locked in my heart, and this is deep to my core. But I am not strong enough anymore and I have to let it flow. I miss Savanna. I feel as though part of me is missing all the time. As of August 22, I have felt so different- incomplete if you will. I have learned to cope a little bit better as of now - but that first month was pretty hard. And being that I am a private person, I really kept it to myself. Now, I talk to Jeff about it from time to time and my lovely friend Jamie at work. But for the most part, I cannot talk about it with anyone else I am close to. For one, my only REAL options to talk to about it are my sister Hayley and my mom. And if I talk to them about it, I just make them more depressed and its a vicious circle so I opt not to start that anymore.
I know not everyone can relate or even begin to fully empathize with my situation (not everyone has a sister or a younger sister at that). But I think most people can try to understand a little bit where I'm coming from. My baby sister, Savanna, recently moved to Omaha, NE for college. I am SO proud of her. The college is amazing, she is thriving and life is good. I am just so selfish and miss her like crazy. Luckily for me and my family, she has been able to come home once a month since she has been away - now next semester will be I need to brace myself. OH...and she will be home in a week.......for almost a whole month........YAY EFF YES YAY!!!! She sent me a video yesterday, just her being silly talking about random stuff and showing me her cute christmas lights in her dorm room, etc. It just made me SO happy. I watched it about 5 times...and will probably will watch it another 5 times by the end of today. She literally lights up my life. In every way. It is hard to believe she is 5 hours away, and in another state no less. BUT, I do love hearing her happy college stories and knowing that Creighton is where she is intended to be. I love both my little sisters more than life itself. I love being a big sister. I am blessed to be an older sister to not just one great person, but two. How cool is that?! It is probably my favorite part of my life if I were to be completely honest. I am so thankful for my silly sisters more than anyone will ever know. Hmmm...I thought I would be balling at this point, thinking about how far away Savannie is...but I am very calm and at peace and quite content at the moment. I have her to thank for that.

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